Gluten

So.  I'm sensitive/intolerant/allergic/whatever to gluten.  

First, I shall vent.  Here we go:

I'm mad.  I'm angry.  I'm PISSED.

Gluten is in everything.  Not really, but it sure appears that way right now.

I hate drawing attention to myself in restaurants.

I hate asking for a gluten-free menu.
I hate discussing my food allergy with strangers.
Eating out, just the thought of it, gives me anxiety.
I'm now a burden on society! Ah!

Have you ever had a freaking bun-less hamburger in public?  Yeah, I have.  It's weird.  And your friends stare in awe as you you eat it.

Now I'll get real.  Here we go again:

If one continues to eat gluten even though they are sensitive, they can/will develop celiac disease where one's small intestine gets so severely damaged that nutrients are no longer absorbed from food.  I don't want that.

Hence, I'm glad to know that gluten is one of the main reasons I've continued to feel so crappy.

So in the end, I'll do what it takes.  But it's not going to be easy getting used to this.

Any gluten-free restaurant suggestions, recipes, or other various product suggestions are welcomed and appreciated.

Jason

Those of you on Facebook, "Follow" me at http://jasonhoggan.blogspot.com/.

Mono Lessons (Part VI: 100-120)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

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100. Bowling only works out one arm.

101. I must stay on a regular eating schedule.

102. I REALLY can hold a grudge.

103. Poor lane etiquette really pisses me off.

104. I feel more comfortable bowling in light. Yes, rather than dark.

105. The harmonica is harder to play than it looks.

106. I’m confused by the phenomenon of “friends with benefits.”

107. Some people and environments can become truly toxic I one’s life.

108. I might have to fight with my brother about which one of us gets to name our first son Dean.

109. I have a slight potassium deficiency.

110. Potassium deficiency is called hypokalemia. I think the “k” is in there solely for its atomic symbol.

111. Hypokalemia has many symptoms identical to those of mono.

112. I have a fairly pronounced and normal sinus arrhythmia.

113. I also have a more exciting arrhythmia that I don’t have a fun name for…yet. I just happen to get tons and tons premature beats when in its peak.

114. There is some technology that seems like it would, should, and could be so much more advanced than it is, but it isn’t.

115. Jailbait isn’t as exciting as it sounds.

116. It is possible to steal from Express.com without meaning to. Then when you try to correct the error through your local Express store, they can’t help you. Lastly, you feel okay about having accidentally stolen due to Express’ error and lack of in-store correctional skills.

117. Jealousy arrives when I learn someone was able to make out with a hot redhead.

118. December 6, 2009 – Panda fortune reads: “You will always be surrounded by true friends.” Jason then begins crying in the mall food court with his friend. ☺

119. It’s nice to have pants that fit.

120. These things I actually like and they also have potassium in them:

a. Orange juice

b. Cranberry juice

c. Kiwis

d. Mangoes (non-pinetree-tasting)

e. Papayas

f. Pears

g. Giant potassium pills that are even larger than Augmenton

h. Nectarines

i. Raisins

j. Banana splits. ☺

k. Salmon

l. Halibut

m. Cod

n. Tuna

o. Apricots

p. Strawberries

q. Broccoli

r. Cauliflower

s. Brussels sprouts. Yes, I like Brussels sprouts. Wanna take this outside?

t. Cantaloupe

u. Onions

v. Spinach

w. Baked potatoes. Unfortunately, most of the potassium is in the disgusting skin.

x. Nuts

y. Avocados…in guacamole. That’s the only way I can handle avocados.

z. And finally, bananas…listed last for so many reasons…

Jason

Those of you on Facebook, "Follow" me at http://jasonhoggan.blogspot.com/.

Puns Make Me Smile

I love funny, nerdy, punny puns. :-)

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21.. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects

Jason

Those of you on Facebook, "Follow" me at http://jasonhoggan.blogspot.com/.

Mono Lessons (Part V: 83-99)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.

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83. Power Rangers rocked and still do and still will.

84. I’m not a twink. Only twinkish.

85. The ugly truth about gaydar.

86. How much I enjoyed researching and writing my paper on gaydar.

87. I wasn’t taught proper sex education in public school.

88. HIV/AIDS discussions now get me riled up.

89. Certain artists are more talented than I can comprehend.

90. I still adore hot redheads… It’s a curse.

91. Gender & Sexual Orientation (GNDR 5770) is the best class I’ve ever taken. Ever. I mean it. Thanks Lisa!!!

92. I really just don’t like Kenny Chesney.

93. Miranda Lambert’s voice is annoying. Especially her talking voice.

94. The exact same things stars go through in the public eye happen to our friends too.

95. There is an endless list of things I could have done differently if I would have known I had mono sooner.

96. Sometimes that endless list starts to repeat itself in my head.

97. It’s not worth listing everything I could have done differently. I only have NOW.

98. Nothing beats good customer service.

99. Unreliable cars make driving so much more stressful than it used to be…than it should be.

Jason
 
Those of you on Facebook, "Follow" me at http://jasonhoggan.blogspot.com/.