Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Mono Lessons (Part IX: 166-186)

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thank God you don't have mono.



166. The maximum amount of actually funny gay jokes has been reached.

167. Zombies are to Lindsey as Aliens are to me.

168. Allie can fit the rim of a midget Denny’s water glass in her mouth. Video proof has been captured.

169. Gay PDA in Utah is a personal safety risk.

170. An unusually large number of people are mistakenly told they have an enlarged heart.

171. Haiku is much better when in Zombie form.

172. It’s so much easier to date other Mormons.

173. Some people say to “live every week like it’s ‘Shark Week.’” I prefer to “live every week like it’s ‘Armageddon Week.”

174. I miss photography.

175. “I’ve learned how to cry and I’m better for that.” (from “Many the Miles” by Sara Bareilles)

176. Certain people are truly in the wrong line of work.

177. UTemps is my baby.

178. Hope.

179. The best medicine is laughing until it hurts. Then laughing until the hurt hurts. Then laughing until you are on the brink of crying because of the pain. Haha.

180. Arvilla is a name. A woman’s name. And she’s the best Denny’s server ever.

181. Grief and mourning is necessary for my survival, sanity, and peace of mind.

182. I have immense anger and resentment towards him for what has happened.

183. Freedom can be bittersweet.

184. Caffeine does a number on my entire body.

185. One Diet Coke can induce:
a. Heart arrhythmia
b. Hyperactivity
c. Attention deficit
d. Freezing cold hands – blood vessel constriction
e. Jitteriness
f. Racing thoughts
g. Increased heart rate
h. Anxiety associated with the heart arrhythmia
186. Never have caffeine again.

Jason

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