"I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows..."
Wait...no, no. Don't worry. I'm not going to start out with a cheesy LeAnn Rimes song. No, what I want to talk about is all my traditionally sacrilegious beliefs.
Yep, you guessed it! A list:
My Sacrilegious Articles of Faith
1. I believe there are other intelligent beings in our universe that we may one day contact.
2. I believe I will one day have my own planet.
3. I believe I can have spirit children with another man.
4. I believe Jesus Christ married Mary Magdalene.
5. I believe Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene had children with each other.
6. I believe the "Plan of Salvation" also fits for LGBT+ individuals.
7. I believe in aliens...to an extent.
8. I believe LDS prophets are men, not divine beings speaking only truth.
9. I believe I have a Heavenly Father as well as a Heavenly Mother.
10. I believe God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are three separate and individual beings united in purpose.
11. I believe polygamy should be legal - as well as any other type of polyamory.
Me and my boyfriend
12. I believe I was gay in the pre-existence.
13. I believe I was born gay.
14. I believe I will be gay in the next life.
15. I believe "being gay" is part of my soul.
16. I believe a woman has the right to choose whether to carry her baby to full term or abort it.
God...doing science
17. I believe in the powerful potential of stem cells and in fully funding stem cell research.
18. I believe gender and sexuality are not solidified and constant.
19. I believe God is the perfect scientist.
20. I believe women can lead religious congregations.
21. I believe.
Wooooo....I'm so liiiiiiiberrrrrrrallllllll! Go ahead, un-follow me, defriend me, un... + me? Or just comment - that's more fun for both of us anyway.
I knew it was going to take something BIG to get me blogging again. If you hadn't noticed, I've been MIA for a while now...since August 18th, to be exact. I've been away for a number of reasons, but it all amounts to this: I have so much to say, so much going on inside my head, and so little time, that I quit writing altogether. But I can't stay silent any longer. A talk given by Elder Boyd K. Packer this last weekend put me over the edge. Unfortunately, this is the BIG thing bringing me back to blogging life.
The month of September brought us 4 nationally publicized suicides (6+, if you look a little deeper) of LGBT individuals. It also brought us the blocking of a bill that would allow for the repeal of the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT) policy.
If you are interested, here is a wonderful description of the recent DADT events in the US Senate. Thank you for laying it out for us, Ms. Maddow:
"Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it."
This brings us to conference weekend. Here is the talk in any format you could imagine:
Audio Video Text (Disclaimer: The TEXT version has been edited by the LDS Church to read differently than the words spoken in the audio and video versions. I guess it's kind of a step in the right direction...kind of...? Not really... Details HERE.)
Now that we're all on the same page, here are my comments. I avoided Facebook commenting too much because this is how I choose to display my opinion regarding this talk. It's all here. If I change my mind or have more to say, I'll write more in the coming days, weeks, and months.
It seemed like this talk was going to be about pornography, but it takes some very strange turns... I have 4 quotes to scrutinize which I have transcribed from the Audio/Video versions - the original words heard by the world and not necessarily relayed in the edited text version.
1.
"We must understand that any persuasion to enter into any relationship that is not in harmony with the principles of the gospel must be wrong."
A monogamous same-sex relationship in no way deviates from the principles of the gospel. However, it is interpreted that since both members of the duo are of the same sex, this relationship is "unnatural." "Unnatural" is a synonym for "wrong" in the LDS Church. I believe life is too complicated to be described by plug outlets and pipe joints. Of course a male joint won't attach to another male joint. But you know what? I'm not a plug. I'm a human being. I believe my biology, psychology, physiology, and spirituality are a bit more intricate than a plug's. My point is, it's not black and white. No matter how many times I say that, the people who think it is black and white are too insane (I mean that quite literally) to even consider other thinking. You only become sane when you realize your own and the world's insanity - and change.
Who are you to define what is "natural" and what is not? Lack of understanding about something doesn't make it "unnatural." Take gravity, for instance. I'm in physics and I know physicists know NOTHING about gravity. It's the weirdest force. It hasn't yet been "combined" with all of the other forces. That's the purpose of the various grand unified theories out there (like String Theory). Being the physics nerd I am, then, I have to pick at Elder Packer's quote about voting to change the law of gravity.
2.
"...if we are not alert, there are those today who not only tolerate, but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of God's laws and nature. A law against nature would be impossible to enforce, for instance, what good would a vote against the law of gravity do? There are both moral and physical laws irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundation of the world that cannot be changed. History demonstrates over and over again that moral standards cannot be changed by battle and cannot be changed by ballot."
He does not give any examples of his last statement. He then goes on to say that various societies are trying to legalize what is "basically wrong or evil."
The thing is, our understanding of gravity is changing, and it's changing radically every day. In the meantime, it keeps working the way it always has and always will. To fit it correctly into a grand unified theory, we have to CHANGE OUR THINKING about how gravity works. We've had to nearly start over with gravity! We are choosing, even voting, to change our thinking! We aren't changing the law of gravity, we're changing how we think about the law of gravity.
The same thing is happening with LGBT+ issues. Gays, lesbians, etc., etc., have been around forever and always will be. But we're social outcasts. We don't fit into the grand unified theory the heterosexuals have set forth. Hence, thinking has to change. It is changing. Thinking about sexuality, sexual orientation, gender, gender identification, psychology, physiology, spirituality...everything! It's all changing.
The paradigm is shifting.
And again, here we have the Church telling its members how to vote. I do not need to expound on this here since I have before. Click HERE for more information and my personal opinion on the matter.
3.
"Some suppose that they were pre-set and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural. Not so! Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? Remember, he is our father."
I've said it a million times. I was born gay. I also believe I was gay in the pre-existence and will be gay in the afterlife. Elder Packer uses the question "Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?" in exact opposition to its true intention.
Why would our Heavenly Father create someone with inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural? He wouldn't. I truly believe that. To me, this then implies "homosexuality" isn't impure and unnatural. I was born with that trait, therefore it is pure and natural. It's that simple. You have no authority to tell me otherwise.
Here, Elder Packer is also implying sexual orientation is changeable. With all due respect, Elder Packer, if you willfully change your sexual orientation, then maybe I'll take a second look at the decades of science proving you utterly wrong.
4.
"Agency is precious." Why does this church place so much verbal value on agency, yet never advise its members to use their agency. Agency is more than choosing the "right choice" or the "wrong choice." It's the act of getting down on your knees and conversing with your God. Talk to Him and discover what the best option is for you at that time. It's so disappointing that these words will now go into the minds of most Mormons as doctrine, as direct inspiration and word from God. These apostles and prophets are human too, you know. They have their opinions just as we do. It is each individual member's responsibility to pray about the words they hear at conference for confirmation or cancellation of their divine nature. It is my opinion that the words in this talk are those of an angry, out-of-touch old man, bitter about his Proposition 8 being overturned by the court system. These words are not divine.
If someone reading this does choose to get down on their knees and truly ask for guidance regarding these complex LGBT+ issues, try to clear your mind and go into it seeking the best answer - not the answer you expect or are looking for. Two years ago just before election time '08 when I "outed" myself via Facebook, I had a former friend of mine converse with me about my sexuality through Facebook messages. Needless to say, this person was convinced I was in the wrong and I gently encouraged them to pray about the subject. Three days later I received a message from them telling me they received their answer and I was indeed living in sin. Three days. Three. Days. It took me 10 years to get my answer. What an ignorant and disrespectful slap in the face. I believe my point has been made.
That's a list of words describing ME used by an apostle of what I usually call "my Church." I'm again questioning why I call it that.
Why do I keep standing up for you, Church? When a non-member says something like, "Why do they listen to these old men anyway?", why do I try to explain why? It's a culture. How on earth do you explain an entire culture to somebody from a different culture? I am weary, Church. I can't...I WON'T...stand up for you any more. If the teachings coming out of you are true and good, they don't need an explanation - they don't need to be defended! I'm not doing it any more! I don't even know why I've been doing it or who I've been doing it for over the past few years. I'm beginning to realize I haven't been doing it for me... So I quit.Claiming membership with you means I have to live with a perpetual knife sticking out of my back. Talks like this give it a nice twist. How do I pull out the knife without bleeding to death?
I have thick skin and individuals can say whatever they want to or at me. But that's not the point. It's the fact that an entire culture is this way...a culture of which I used to be a part. It's heartbreaking.
Ideas and quotes from others that I would like to address:
1. It's freedom of speech. Obviously this is true. The greatest blessing and consequence of having the right to free speech is that others have the right to freely scrutinize and challenge your speech with theirs. The thing is, in the LDS Church, this speech is now considered doctrine from God. Try arguing the word of God with a devout Mormon. It's a hopeless cause. You swirl around in mindless double-speak and babble until you quit. There are far too many Mormons who do not apply their agency and access to personal revelation to the words of the apostles and prophets. They take it for doctrine and that's that. End of story. It's impossible to converse with someone who's key debate point is "the word of God." Everybody is entitled to their opinion, but nobody is entitled to be a bigot.
2. He is a good man with good intentions. That very well may be, but good intention does not imply good message.
3. "Love the sinner, not the sin." This classic cliche is bullshit. Anyone who has been a "victim" of someone acting like this knows it. You can see it in their eyes...they think your are as worthless as the "sin." People who treat others this way just ooze a holier-than-thou attitude, but they don't know it. If you're going to tell me you love me despite the fact that I'm a sinner, I don't want your love. "But we're all sinners!" What a happy-go-lucky way to think of life.
4. I tolerate gays. Mormons tolerate gays. If I remember correctly, Christ didn't teach "Tolerate thy neighbor" or "Tolerate one another." Tolerate is NOT a synonym for love. When Mormons say they tolerate us, they mean reluctantly accept the immoral decisions we have made that are sending us to hell. What a painful message to convey to all of the gay, lesbian, bi, trans...different children, teens, and adults in your sacrament meeting, primary class, Sunday school class, young men's class, and young women's class. With so much silent hatred bombarding us from our Churches, our families, our "friends," our schools, our communities...it's no wonder a number of individuals begin to believe they are worthy of the hatred and end their own life.
5. "Homosexuality." This word has nearly no meaning any more - especially when an uninformed or ignorant person uses it. Diversify your vocabulary. You can start by asking "homosexuals" how they choose to label their sexuality. Trust me, that question is not offensive if asked sincerely.
7. What was said at conference was nothing new. How true this is! In fact, it was a throwback to 1972! The timing of this repeated message makes the message more vile than it already is. Just as the LGBT+ community thought it was making some ground due to the Church's recently silent stance on "homosexuality"...just as Prop 8 is beginning the overturning process... Then just as Congress blocks a clause allowing the military to repeal DADT...just as we hear of the 6+ suicides in the month of September alone. The timing and tone of Packer's message is repulsive.
8. A protest won't help anything. The opinions about protests and rallies that I have read are fascinating to me. Reading them sent me all over the map with my own opinion. In the end, I decided a rally is what I make of it. I'm not protesting the Church's right to free speech. I'm protesting the timing of it and the hatred and misinformation conveyed in it. I don't want more LGBT+ individuals to take their lives over these issues. I want to be part of a community outreach. Let's use this as another way to bring awareness and stimulate conversation. I am not following a flock and I don't appreciate being told whether I should join a rally or not. I'm not a mindless drone. I can make decisions for myself. I thought very deeply about the role I wanted to play in this rally.
With 4,500+ showing up, I believe it helped something.
Final thoughts:
The divisiveness I have seen among the LGBT+ community over this has been utterly eye-opening. And not in the happy way. I am learning there are separate and distinct factions of gay activists in this valley. I guess that's how it always goes with a minority. One group wants things done this way, another group wants it done another way. Be careful... Can't we just use this as a time to unite?
I am exhausted. I am tired. I am weary. I am brokenhearted. I am disappointed. I am aching, trembling, crying. I am overwhelmed. I am sad, mad, and angry. How many suicides is it going to take?
When I was a Peter Priesthood years ago, I used to be offended when non-members would say Mormons were not Christian. "But we believe in Christ!" "Of course you do, but you aren't Christlike." It makes sense to me now. Being Christian is more than believing in Christ - it's also being Christlike. Unfortunately, far too many Mormons are NOT exhibiting Christlike behavior.
To my friends and family:
Without your love and support, I shudder to think where my life would be today - if I would even still be here. Your love, support, and empathy take the edge off of the overwhelming emotions continually stirred by this culture. My heart breaks for those friends of mine without the same support I have, especially from my family. I wish I could somehow offer a solace to those without this system of support.
So to those of you reading this, I ask this. Please be that loving, understanding, empathetic support that so many of us LGBTs need so desperately. Take the time to understand the complexities surrounding all of the issues LGBT individuals face every day. Go into it without preconception. You'll be enlightened.
Thank you for reading. I am now going on a much-needed weekend getaway. The week's ignorance has exhausted me.
This is a Jason Hoggan Facebook Note original. Post date May 27, 2009 at 1:52AM, so I am re-posting it exactly a year later. Anyway, the title is "Prop 8, Mormons, Founders, Voting, Agency, Revelation, and some Betrayal...sounds like a good read!" Enjoy.
This is a rather unique Note. As many of you that are reading this already know, last election season I officially got my feathers ruffled by a few too many people, and one specific religious organization, to keep quiet any longer. I loudly voiced my opinion on gay marriage, told a rather brief yet detailed version of my “story,” and also unintentionally outed myself to many many people through all of this. This Note is a more detailed and thoughtful description of why I became so upset at the LDS Church and their involvement with Proposition 8 in California during election season 2008.
I was taught from a very young age that my Church would never tell its members how to vote. Every year around election season, the bishop would read (and still does) a letter from the First Presidency that states the LDS Church never endorses a political candidate or a political party. They would never tell us how to vote; just encourage us to do so.
It’s election time 2008. Proposition 8 is brewing in California and across the country. What happens first is, the Church does a special television broadcast that airs most notably in California. In this broadcast, Church members are asked to donate their time and “contribute in whatever way they can to the effort to pass Proposition 8, including by phoning.” Members were also encouraged to spread the word via text messaging, e-mail, and blogging. The Church’s statement ends with, “As a church, we do not get involved in supporting candidates or political parties, but when there are moral issues, the First Presidency has always felt that it was important for our members to stand up and support those that are significant to the gospel of Jesus Christ and the restored Church. And so we, without concern, go to the membership of the Church, after the call of the First Presidency, to ask you to give your best to this most significant effort to support, in every way possible, the sacred institution of marriage as we know it to be” (1).
Now that we have established some context, let me get through one more touchy topic before I give my opinion on the above statement. It appears that many Mormons heeded to the call from the First Presidency and “contribut[ed] in whatever way they [could] to the effort to pass Proposition 8.” However, many chose to contribute their money along with their time. Now, the LDS Church has stated that no tithing money went to the Yes on Prop 8 campaign. They also outline their direct contributions totaling just under $190,000 (2). Honestly, this is pocket change to the Church and is really not a big deal…even if tithing money was used. (But just in case it was, I donated $25 to the No on Prop 8 campaign to offset any of my money that went to Yes.)
What is much more significant is the amount of money that Church members donated to the Yes campaign. The New York Times and Mormons for 8 (rather boastfully) report that, of the $40 million raised by Yes on Prop 8, 40-50% of those donations were from Mormon Church members (3). This is $16-$20 million we are talking here. To establish more context, around 770,000 LDS Church members live in California. This is approximately 2% of the state’s population (4). So, if the Proposition 8 battle stayed in California, this means that every single Church member in California would have had to donate $26 to reach the grand total of $20 million. Obviously, the money poured in form Mormons from all across the country, including a rather generous $1 million contribution from the (Utah resident) grandson of former Church President David O. McKay (5).
Finally, as I have mentioned in previous Notes, the Church also set up this website in support of “traditional marriage” and to promote Proposition 8: http://www.preservingmarriage.org/. I have never seen anything from the LDS Church so blatantly advocating a political position. Scroll down to the bottom of the homepage. There you will read “An Official Web site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints” followed by the copyright and the Church’s logo.
The part of the Church’s statement that bothers me the most is the assertion that they do not support political parties or candidates, but, “when there are moral issues” involved, the Church feels it is important to take action. As I see it, they are 1. supporting a political stance and 2. confusing moral issues with civil issues. This is why I got mad:
I have a testimony of the founding of our great nation. I have always believed that our Founding Fathers were inspired with the seemingly radical ideas they had. They were inspired when debating, negotiating, and writing our Constitution. This document is the basis of our country’s government and has become an icon for civil rights. I do understand that when the Constitution was first written, rights were really only given to white, male, land-owning Protestants. Times were obviously different. But as time has gone by, women, black and all other races and ethnicities, as well as non-land-owners and those of all religious faiths have been given full rights. But let me get back to my point here. The Constitution is arguably a civil rights document that is based on the reasons that people even came to America in the first place. One of those main reasons is to flee religious persecution.
I believe that the United States came about so that the Gospel could be restored. There is no other place in the world where it could have happened. It needed to be in a place with a “fresh start,” new ideas, and new government. We have been taught that this land was set aside so this could occur. The religious freedoms that were set in place by our nation’s government and Constitution were the first great stepping stone in this plan.
Growing up in the LDS Church and always having a peculiar interest in the founding of the United States, I grew to appreciate what an immense blessing it is to live in this nation. The freedoms we have are unmatched anywhere else in the world and we are unbelievably lucky to be here. One specific right I learned to cherish is the individual right to vote. Even at a young age I began to grasp the importance and responsibility of casting a vote. Those of you that know me well have seen how overly disgusted I get when I hear someone won’t or didn’t vote. I was just taught that I am extremely privileged to have a say in our government and I should utilize that right and not take it for granted. The right to vote is a form of legally granted agency. We can choose to vote for whatever or whomever we want.
Agency is one of the most talked about topics/doctrines in the LDS Church. We are taught that we have always had agency and very notably used it when we chose to follow God’s plan and come here to earth and receive a body. Agency leads us to our most immense trials, our greatest happiness, our deepest sadness, and our individual uniqueness. We use our agency every minute of our lives. The greatest thing about agency is it is OURS. No one has the right, let alone the ability, to take away our agency. We are forever accountable for our own choices. At times this seems awful accept so many consequences, and others it feels glorious to reap the many rewards.
Agency is where I feel the Church crossed the line. Yes, the Church did not support a political party (though that is questionable with this issue) or a political candidate. But I felt betrayed on far too many levels. When I was young, I remember listening to the bishop read that letter in sacrament meeting and interpreting that the Church would never ever ever tell their members how to vote on anything. How naïve that was of me to think (and of my family to teach me). The Church also teaches that, along with agency, comes personal revelation. It is shocking that the Church would insist that members vote for Proposition 8 rather than encouraging them to kneel down before the Lord and pray about it and all the other political issues we are facing. This way each member would have been encouraged have their own conversation with the Lord on the topic and develop their own opinion and stance on the issue. Instead of encouraging doctrine, the Church encouraged members to blindly follow the will of the First Presidency.
I find it absolutely revolting that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints would infringe on their member’s agency by advocating that they vote Yes on Proposition 8. The Church teaches of the blessings of this country, the miracle of the gospel being restored on this chosen land, and the rapture to be found in the freedoms we enjoy here. It is utterly hypocritical for the Church to encourage its members to donate time and money to, and suggest they vote for, a cause that limits the basic civil rights of their own neighbors, friends, and family members. What on earth could be more anti-Christian? Without this country and its freedoms, there is no way the Church would have ever survived. I had already felt quite betrayed by my Church and its stance on homosexuality, but their involvement with Proposition 8 was the last straw for me.
I have three short responses to the Church’s statement. First, I took your advice and spread the word through texting and blogging…only I think I said exactly opposite of what you were suggesting. Next, the idea that gay marriage (and homosexuality in general) is a moral issue is incomprehensible. It is undoubtedly a civil rights issue. Finally, I will never again trust the LDS Church’s politically neutral stance. This stance is fraudulent. In the same sentence, they say they would never tell their members how to vote while then clearly stating, “without concern,” to vote Yes on Proposition 8.
I hope this gives a clearer understanding of why I did what I did and said what I said last election season. Obviously, I focused on less personal frustrations I have with the Church in this Note. Just the fact that I am a gay member of the LDS Church leads to enough frustration and heartache, but to then have this organization blatantly advocate against what I know to be right was just a twist of the knife already in my back.
As always, comments are welcome; they are also screened. Below you will see the sources I used. And yeah, I think that’s it. Thanks for reading, for your interest, and even your support.
1. I believe there are other intelligent beings in our universe that we may one day contact.
