How do you do this to me?

How do you do this to me?
How can I hate your hurtful heart,
But sigh for your smell on my sheets?
How can I loath your lousy lies,
But crave your counterfeit concurrence?
How can I despise your desperate devotion,
But pine for your perpetual and palpable presence?

How do you do this to me?
Since when did I hand you my reins?
This is my life to live,
Not yours to subliminally destroy.
Since when did my brain
Allow thoughts of you to drain
My will, my power to let go?
How do you do this to me?

Why do I do this to me?
Why do I let this good-for-nothin' guilt
Cloud my already cockeyed comprehension?
Why do I fantasize the future we were facing,
Instead of soul-searching and stabilizing my self?
Why do I desire a darling,
But have a forever fleeting focus?

Why do I do this to me?
Since when did I lose control of my reins?
This is my life to live,
Not yours to subliminally control.
Since when did my brain
Allow thoughts of you to drain
My will, my power to let go?
How do you do this to me?

How do I forget your love?
How do I leave behind my own?
I'll never forget our years together.
The memories have pierced my soul.
But, it's over.
I miss you and will always love you.

How do you do this to me?
Since when did I hand you my reins?
This is my life to live,
Not yours to subliminally control.
Since when did my brain
Allow thoughts of you to drain
My will, my power to let go?
How do you do this to me?

How do you do this to me?

How do you do this to me?

Goodbye.

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are

Some of you may find this sarcastic and rude, some of you may find this loving and sincere.  You're all correct...it's everything, but I certainly have no intention to offend.  Sure, there is a slight "airing of grievances" feel, but it's just a jumble of my thoughts.

You find out who your friends are when they visit you regularly,
When they support you at your job by SPENDING MONEY to see your work's latest play or attraction,
When they don't complain about the price of your work's shows or admission,
When they don't ask you if they can get in for free or for a discount,
When they know your job title,
When they know what your actual job duties are (If you spend the time explaining them, that is.),
When they know your major,
When they know your minor...s,
When they come to Europe with you,
When they do all they can to go to Europe with you but just plain can't go,
When they stab you in the back,
When they leave and never come back,
When they leave without saying goodbye,
When they tell you all the things you do that drive them absolutely insane but let you do them anyway because it doesn't really matter,
When they won't tell you what's bugging them and keep it all inside until they either fade away or blow up in your face,
When they say "I love you,"
When they say "I hate you,"
When they call you a fag,
When they call you a bitch (or betch),
When they like your boyfriend so much they can hang out together without you,
When they put on a gas mask for you,
When they make a fool of themselves in front of you,
When they let you vent about your frustrations with the LDS Church and just say "I know! I'm so sorry!  It sucks!" rather than starting a fruitless debate,
When they accept a present from you,
When they fail to accept a present from you,
When they give you a present,
And when they ask you what you'd like for a present so you receive something you'd actually like to have.

I Hate This

I hate that it has finally come to this.

I hate that he let it get to this.

I hate that he has known this whole time, but did nothing about it.

I hate that everyone has known, yet done nothing.

I hate that it took this for anyone to even begin to care.

I hate his lack of responsibility.

I hate his ignorance.

I hate his attitude.

I hate his "managing."

I hate his micromanaging.

I hate his jealousy.

I hate his "years of experience."

I hate his fakeness.

I hate his lies.

I hate his two-facedness.

I hate saying goodbye.

I hate not having my cubicle sharing partner.

I hated letting go of that hug.

I hate being asked "What can I do to get you to stay?" 2 months too late.

I hate knowing the potential, but not being able so see it come to fruition.

I hate leaving her behind.

I hate knowing someone is being dumped into this situation.

I hate leaving her in the dark.

I hate leaving them.

I hate leaving a creditless legacy.

I hate you for what you've done.

I hate that I have to grieve this like a death.

I hate walking away from my baby.

I hate not being able to fully convey my anger and frustration.

I hate that she had a foot out the door this whole time.

I hate how much I'm going to miss you.

I hate that this is the right decision.

I hate how much I miss them.

I hate this conflict.

I hate that I've done absolutely all I can do.

I HATE leaving this way!

I hate this.

I hate this!

I HATE this!

I HATE THIS!

Jason

Those of you on Facebook, "Follow" me at http://jasonhoggan.blogspot.com/.