Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
440.Spring finals are the absolute worst.
441.I don’t understand the whole superhero comic book thing. Especially Thor. Thor is a Nordic god…not a comic book character…
442.Chris Evans must be an actual superhero since he has played The Human Torch and will be playing Captain America…the hero with the lamest name ever.
443.The Avengers are: The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man (whatever that is), Thor, and Captain America.
444.Need to Know on PBS is simply outstanding journalism. I highly recommend it. Oh, and donate! ;-)
445.Allegra is a non-drowsy lifesaver. Now also available in generic form from your local grocery store knock-off brand! Yay!
446.Some things never change.
447.Facebook ads…holy crap.
448.Apparently, people have pornographic slides. Yes, I said slides.
449.Divorce isn’t a bad thing. It just gets a bad rap.
450.I can easily use a video game analogy to explain my ideas correlating physics, spirituality, and a “higher power.”
451.RENT four times can be rather emotional; especially during a highly emotional time in your personal life.
452.Lesson #157 stated “I’m not ‘RENT’ gay.” Correction, I am “RENT” gay.
453.Jagged Little Pill would make a great musical.
454.The Matrix is why I freed my mind.
455.Kaboom. That is all.
456.I prefer having the world end at the end of apocalyptic-like movies. Especially if aliens are involved.
457.Abercrombie & Fitch models feel nice.
458.I refuse to watch Criminal Minds because I can’t take Greg, yes, from Dharma & Greg, seriously. And he’s missing Dharma…
459.Sexuality, gender, and sex are all amazing things and deserve more conversational attention. Taboo is destroyed by conversation. 460.Depression and anxiety are rampant. 461.Depression and anxiety are rampant among gays. 462.Judy McLane is a sweetheart. 463.Being a gay teenager still sucks, unfortunately. But at least it’s slightly less dangerous…
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
420.I don’t know what to do with my last name if/when I get married. But I do know “Hoggan” won’t be leaving. It’s far too awesome.
421.I want an equation, variable, or unit named after me. “Then we take the Hoggan Cross Section…” “Find the Hoggan wavelength of…” “So after the algebra, we are left with 7 Hoggans…” Yes.
422.Opera is not my thing.
423.“Little Women” is just a boring story. Jo, grow up.
424.I should probably become a model. It may be my true calling in life.
425.Depressed and anxious people shouldn’t have to split their depression and anxiety pills. We need more size variety!
426.Seeing a car flip over in front of you due to another car running a red light causes intersection anxiety.
427.I’m in love. He drives me insane, but I love him. I’m in love.
428.I can go months without talking to someone and still know when they’re pulling an April Fools joke.
429.Gay marriage would be legal if it weren’t illegal. Think about it. That thought isn’t as stupid as it sounds.
430.Fortune cookies are disgusting.
431.Domes of fudge are splendid.
432.Hemorrhoids suck.
433.Sucker Punch…possibly too awesome?
434.Buckwheat is nasty. Even in maple-glazed cold cereal form.
435.I will never need to purchase an obnoxiously large, loud, and window-tinted truck to make up for any lack of “manhood,” thank you.
436.I don’t drink enough water.
437.I’m a meat-eating vegan. A carnivorous vegan, if you will. …Aaaaaand you will.
438.When I get an intense blog idea, move out of the way.
Many would expect my first blog back from a month-long European excursion would have something to do with Europe...maybe even just a little.
This is not that blog.
Here are ten things you say and ask that are ten times more offensive than you even realize.
Enjoy!
1. "Homo"
This word is like the "N-word" - just as it is oddly appropriate for one black person to call another black person the N-word, it is also oddly appropriate for one gay person to call another gay person a homo. If you're straight, you are automatically disqualified from using that word without it being offensive.
2. "Fag"
Sometimes people think this word is like the "N-word." But it's not. This word is offensive no matter who says it - gay, straight, or otherwise. It's sole purpose is to be offensive. So, if you never want me to speak to you, make eye contact with you, or even acknowledge your existence any more, by all means, call me a fag.
3. "So, who's the woman in the relationship?"
This question is infuriating and the explanation why is rather long, so hang in there. We must first start with a discussion on gender. What is gender - innate or learned? Most gender studies experts will tell you that the concept of gender is a societal phenomenon, meaning gender constructs (stereotypes) are created by the society at large and then projected onto each individual in the society. For example, it seems that boys play with trucks and girls play with dolls because society says so, not because that is necessarily the toy they truly want to play with.
The next discussion involves heteronormativity. We live in a heteronormative culture, meaning it is expected, essentially from birth, that boys are attracted to girls and girls are attracted to boys. Laws of marriage are an example of heteronormativity in our government. Our culture feels compelled, then, to compare everything not conforming to heteronormativity to their heteronormative experiences and stereotypes.
This is where we get to the offensiveness of questioning a member of a gay couple as to which one of them is the "woman" in the relationship: the obvious answer, and the correct answer, is NEITHER OF THEM. One of the requirements of being gay is that both members of the gay couple must be the same gender. That's kind of the point behind identifying as such.
3.1. "But you know what I mean...one is always more feminine..."
That may sometimes be true with your heteronormative definitions of "masculine" and "feminine," but you must know by now that most gays don't care much for gender stereotypes and almost definitely don't have the same archaic and ignorant view of gender as you.
Take a moment and ask yourself if you think gender is black and white with no gray. In my opinion, there is plenty of gray area - gender is a gradient of personality characteristics and ways in which one identifies with themself. Did you know there are even some cultures that classify gays as a third gender?
In short, we don't appreciate having your heteronormative way of thought imposed on our relationships. In my case, my BOYfriend and I both identify as male, and that's that. Have some respect.
4. "Are you the top or the bottom?"
This question is only (sometimes) appropriate for one gay to ask another gay. The question implies a lot of gender stereotypes when asked by a straight person. No, the top is not the "man" in the relationship and the bottom is not the "woman." Refer to number 3.
5. "...gay friend..."
5.1. "I love having you as my gay friend!" OR "You're/He's my best gay friend!"
If you can't simply refer to me as your "friend," I'm sure as hell not going to be your "gay friend."
5.2. "I have a gay friend!"
Also, the fact that you might have a "gay friend" doesn't mean you and I are instantly friends nor does it undo any possible homophobia you possess.
5.2.1. "You would love my gay friend!"
Nor does it mean I need to be set up with your "gay friend."
6. "No homo."
This pretty much explains it all:
7. "That's so gay."
"When say 'That's so gay,' do you realize what you say? Knock it off."
8. "Homosexual"
Strangely enough, the Safe Schools Coalition of Washington's Glossary for School Employees best describes this outrageously outdated term for what it really is: offensive.
"Avoid this term; it is clinical, distancing, and archaic. Sometimes appropriate in referring to behavior (although same-sex is the preferred adjective). When referring to people, as opposed to behavior, homosexual is considered derogatory and the terms gay and lesbian are preferred..."
"Homosexual" focuses all attention on sex. It's like the word becomes
homosexual.
Personally, I'm used to seeing this word in Mormon stuff on "same-sex attraction" or "SSA." (Another term I find offensive.) The Church, at one time, focused their anti-gay literature on sex. Sex sex sex. Since sex is taboo in general in the LDS Church, GAY sex is the ultimate taboo, so using words like
homosexual or same-sex attraction
remind the reader how bad it is to be a homosexual. So now I know, If you use this word, you don't know what you're talking about and your words have no merit. Being gay involves a lot more than just sex.
9. "*offensive-foot-in-mouth-shit*...Oh you know what I mean!"
You know what? I don't know what you mean.
In gay culture, word choice means a lot. What's in a word? Well, you can't call me a fag, but you can call me gay. You can't call me a homo, but my boyfriend can call me a homo. Nobody can call me a faggot, but you can sometimes call me queer. But you sure as hell better not call me a homosexual. I'm gay. Get the idea?
There are a lot of words thrown around to describe or identify LGBTQ... people. Some are universally offensive while some are nichely offensive (see that word I invented there?). Some words aren't necessarily offensive, but better ones could be used in their place.
Both gays and straights could use some practice in honoring a person's chosen identity labels. For example, I identify as a gay man. That's a pretty boring statement if you've never been compelled to question your sexual orientation or gender before. But for those of us that have, we know a statement like that is existence defining. I know I am a man in a male body who is attracted to men. I feel lucky to have never struggled with my gender identity, just my sexual identity. Dealing with both sounds like a burden I couldn't handle.
All I'm trying to say here is to think before you speak. Take your time and choose your words. If you're unsure of how to say something as to not offend, then ASK. Don't stick your foot in your mouth and expect a simple "You know what I mean!" to make up for it.
"I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows..."
Wait...no, no. Don't worry. I'm not going to start out with a cheesy LeAnn Rimes song. No, what I want to talk about is all my traditionally sacrilegious beliefs.
Yep, you guessed it! A list:
My Sacrilegious Articles of Faith
1. I believe there are other intelligent beings in our universe that we may one day contact.
2. I believe I will one day have my own planet.
3. I believe I can have spirit children with another man.
4. I believe Jesus Christ married Mary Magdalene.
5. I believe Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene had children with each other.
6. I believe the "Plan of Salvation" also fits for LGBT+ individuals.
7. I believe in aliens...to an extent.
8. I believe LDS prophets are men, not divine beings speaking only truth.
9. I believe I have a Heavenly Father as well as a Heavenly Mother.
10. I believe God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are three separate and individual beings united in purpose.
11. I believe polygamy should be legal - as well as any other type of polyamory.
Me and my boyfriend
12. I believe I was gay in the pre-existence.
13. I believe I was born gay.
14. I believe I will be gay in the next life.
15. I believe "being gay" is part of my soul.
16. I believe a woman has the right to choose whether to carry her baby to full term or abort it.
God...doing science
17. I believe in the powerful potential of stem cells and in fully funding stem cell research.
18. I believe gender and sexuality are not solidified and constant.
19. I believe God is the perfect scientist.
20. I believe women can lead religious congregations.
21. I believe.
Wooooo....I'm so liiiiiiiberrrrrrrallllllll! Go ahead, un-follow me, defriend me, un... + me? Or just comment - that's more fun for both of us anyway.
Stepping on gooey tar on a hot summer day. Newly painted street lines (especially on a newly surfaced street).
Freezing cold tap water in the dead of winter. Slipping into a bed with fresh, clean linen just after a shower. Staring at your favorite piece of art when no one understands why you love it so much. Staying up too late reading a textbook that's just too good to put down.
Daiquiri Ice.
Pants that fit.
Blogging.
Orange chocolate.
Mint chocolate.
Raspberry chocolate. Chips and salsa.
The complete and utter silence during a heavy winter snowstorm.
Listening to the same amazing song over and over and over again.
Staying up way too late watching TV on my MacBook in bed.
Lunch at University Hospital.
Computers that work.
Friday nights.
Secondhand smoke-induced Europe flashbacks.
Juicy nose-clearing sneezes.
Laughgasms - aka, Laughing Attacks.
She Spies and D.D. Cummings.
ThinkGeek. Gay cinema.
Cuddling with my boyfriend. Marilyn Monroe. World.
I would give my life if it would save even one person from having to go through the mental misery, emotional agony, and spiritual hell I went through to get where I am today.
This I know:
God exists. I am one of His children. He loves me. He wants me to be happy. He will help me find happiness here in this life and in the next. I can have a personal relationship with Him. He will answer me. God knows I'm gay. My spirit was "gay" before I was born into this life. I will be "gay" in the afterlife. It's okay. I can have an eternal family with another man. I can have spirit children with another man. The Church's current stance on gays is simply incorrect. One day more will be revealed.
Meditatively Obtained, Novel, and Observational (MONO) Lessons
321.I like him. I like him a lot.
322.I haven’t had the opportunity to be just friends with someone before dating them. The transition is so pleasant and non-nerve-racking. Natural, if you will.
323.I suddenly like the song “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette…hmmm…
324.It’s even weirder to have completed Psychology of Love a couple of months ago and now beginning an actual new relationship. Talk about textbook…
325.I CAN MAKE GLUTEN-FREE, DAIRY-FREE, & EGG-FREE OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES!!! Epic day. 07/11/10.
326.That woman lives her life through her pain-body. How sad.
327.Minds can change extremely fast.
328.I have identified five collective pain-bodies in which I have a stake:
a.The American Gay (LGBTQ+) Pain-Body
b.The Mormon (LDS) Pain-Body
c.The Gay Mormon Pain-Body
d.The Food Allergy Pain-Body
e.The Gluten-Intolerant/Celiac Pain-Body
329.I find hidden Mickey’s in my everyday life.
330.I’m capable of sending and receiving an “It’s me” voicemail.
331.The past can truly be haunting.
332.“D-BOX” isn’t dirty, it’s just a vibratey seat!
333.When I like a movie enough, I can see it 5 times in 15 days. Inception rocks.
334.Monday, August 30, 2010: Kidney stone. Worst. Pain. EVER.
335.Guess what? Potassium, still only inching it’s way up. I have far more blood tests than I would prefer.
336.If they changed their mind and “accepted” me, I don’t think I would go back. The damage is done.
337.Clubbing is much more tolerable with a significant other.
338.Blogging is like therapy.
339.Protests and rallies are like therapy.
340.Wendover is so sleazy it’s spectacular.
341.Gambling is kinda stupid…
342.Saying “my boyfriend” makes me all giddy. *sigh*
I want to leave this place. I want to be somewhere lacking majority; everyone is minority; no privilege; and that's what makes it perfect.
I want to leave this place. I want to live somewhere I "belong"; extra-long stares and gawks unthinkable; no double-takes; and my normal is (your) normal too.
I want to leave this place. I want to settle somewhere safe; drama and heartache more bearable; no knives in back; and knowing someone has mine.
I want to leave this place. I want to reside somewhere rich in kahones; label dodging unnecessary; no fear of being found out; and we all have the balls to be.
I want to leave this place. I want to exist somewhere that gives a damn; bullying and suicide not taken lightly; no 'jokes or 'phobes; and hateful misunderstanding has no clout.
I want to leave this place. I want to stay somewhere gray; black and white absurd; no "my way" nor "highway"; and being is not "just a phase."
I want to leave this place. I want to dwell somewhere dreamlike; this destination nonexistent; nowhere is this blissful; and what makes me think leaving will help?
Leave me alone! I'm sick of you! All you do is nag and complain! You're so damn needy! You demand excessive amounts of my attention. And the worst part? I give it to you.
Why do I keep doing this? I accept the fact you were part of my life...but we broke up! Can't we just move on and be cordial?
I keep lying for you... I keep withholding for you... I keep hiding for you... I keep failing for you... I keep (attempting) to impress for you... I keep defending you... I keep missing out...all so you won't hurt me! Why does my crying excite you? Some cowardly part of me is still terrified of you and you know it. And some sick part of me gets off on the fear, misery, and torture you inflict.
Over and over and over again!
I can't help but re-over-analyze you in my head, to my friends, to my family, in my writing, in my talking, in my crying, and in my screaming.
I hate how I let you control me!
No matter how much I think I've put you behind me and officially passed you by... No matter how many times I convince myself I've moved on... No matter what I do, you always creep back into my life and wreak havoc.
Does this mean I'm not where I thought? What am I missing? Where am I in this continuum? What do I need to do to keep you where you belong so you'll stop ruining my Now?
Have I not fully confronted you? Have I not faced you head on like I thought I have...over and over and over again...? Which one of us has the unresolved business? ...and what on earth will resolve it?!
I don't want to talk about you any more. I don't want to think about you any more. I deserve to think of happier things. I would much rather waste my time on anything else but you.
I went through your colic-like torment to get where I am Now. And you won't let me forget it. Do you need a thank-you letter or a reward? Do you want some sort of compensation? Do you feel entitled to torturously remind me how you made me who I am? Who is the victim here, anyway? Just because you're miserable doesn't mean I have to be miserable with you!
I'm sick of your pity party. Get over yourself. Just die. I deserve better than you. Let me get on with my life; I can't keep waiting to live.
I'm tired of being treated differently. I'm so over being an exception. I'm sick of everything I say and do being new, different, and "outside the box."
I'm spent making statements - political, social, religious...
I'm done being "special." *gag*
I'm tired of dodging possibly intellectual conversations. I'm annoyed by the clumsy small talk. I've had it with being the elephant in the room. I'm worn out by my constantly burning ears. I'm exhausted from hesitating.
I'm tired of being "abnormal."
I've had it up to here being called "homosexual."
I'm burnt out calling him "just a friend."
I'm disgusted with being your "gay friend."
I'm fed up with being the resident "gay couple."
I'm tired of being marginalized.
I'm tired of being classified.
I'm tired of being compared - to gays, straights, and everyone in between...
277.Gluten antibodies attack and chop down the villi in my small intestines. Lactase, the enzyme that breaks down lactose, is created in the tip of the villi. Hence, I will seem “lactose intolerant” until my villi grow back.
278.“Wheat-free” does NOT infer “gluten-free.”
279.Blogging is like a disease. A rather contagious disease.
280.I’m a gatekeeper.
281.I live my life as an oxymoron. I love oxymorons and paradoxes.
282.Mayonnaise is evil. Of the devil, if you will.
283.I am eternally grateful for my past. Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am now.
284.I am infinitely relieved to have made it through the reconciliation brawl physically alive, psychologically intact, mentally resilient, and spiritually affirmed.
285.“He’s not cute enough to be gay!” – SH. I then burst out laughing.
286.Late at night, even regular humans can suddenly become cute, cuddly zombies.
287.I attached to UTemps like it was a person…
288.These tremendously complex bodies are bound to have a few minor errors.
289.Slumdog Millionaire is simply unbelievable and moves me in a way no movie ever has.
290.Really. It’s not me! It’s everybody else…. Trust me.
291.It’s not fair. And that will continue to resonate in my mind. It’s simply not fair.
I knew it was going to take something BIG to get me blogging again. If you hadn't noticed, I've been MIA for a while now...since August 18th, to be exact. I've been away for a number of reasons, but it all amounts to this: I have so much to say, so much going on inside my head, and so little time, that I quit writing altogether. But I can't stay silent any longer. A talk given by Elder Boyd K. Packer this last weekend put me over the edge. Unfortunately, this is the BIG thing bringing me back to blogging life.
The month of September brought us 4 nationally publicized suicides (6+, if you look a little deeper) of LGBT individuals. It also brought us the blocking of a bill that would allow for the repeal of the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT) policy.
If you are interested, here is a wonderful description of the recent DADT events in the US Senate. Thank you for laying it out for us, Ms. Maddow:
"Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it."
This brings us to conference weekend. Here is the talk in any format you could imagine:
Audio Video Text (Disclaimer: The TEXT version has been edited by the LDS Church to read differently than the words spoken in the audio and video versions. I guess it's kind of a step in the right direction...kind of...? Not really... Details HERE.)
Now that we're all on the same page, here are my comments. I avoided Facebook commenting too much because this is how I choose to display my opinion regarding this talk. It's all here. If I change my mind or have more to say, I'll write more in the coming days, weeks, and months.
It seemed like this talk was going to be about pornography, but it takes some very strange turns... I have 4 quotes to scrutinize which I have transcribed from the Audio/Video versions - the original words heard by the world and not necessarily relayed in the edited text version.
1.
"We must understand that any persuasion to enter into any relationship that is not in harmony with the principles of the gospel must be wrong."
A monogamous same-sex relationship in no way deviates from the principles of the gospel. However, it is interpreted that since both members of the duo are of the same sex, this relationship is "unnatural." "Unnatural" is a synonym for "wrong" in the LDS Church. I believe life is too complicated to be described by plug outlets and pipe joints. Of course a male joint won't attach to another male joint. But you know what? I'm not a plug. I'm a human being. I believe my biology, psychology, physiology, and spirituality are a bit more intricate than a plug's. My point is, it's not black and white. No matter how many times I say that, the people who think it is black and white are too insane (I mean that quite literally) to even consider other thinking. You only become sane when you realize your own and the world's insanity - and change.
Who are you to define what is "natural" and what is not? Lack of understanding about something doesn't make it "unnatural." Take gravity, for instance. I'm in physics and I know physicists know NOTHING about gravity. It's the weirdest force. It hasn't yet been "combined" with all of the other forces. That's the purpose of the various grand unified theories out there (like String Theory). Being the physics nerd I am, then, I have to pick at Elder Packer's quote about voting to change the law of gravity.
2.
"...if we are not alert, there are those today who not only tolerate, but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of God's laws and nature. A law against nature would be impossible to enforce, for instance, what good would a vote against the law of gravity do? There are both moral and physical laws irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundation of the world that cannot be changed. History demonstrates over and over again that moral standards cannot be changed by battle and cannot be changed by ballot."
He does not give any examples of his last statement. He then goes on to say that various societies are trying to legalize what is "basically wrong or evil."
The thing is, our understanding of gravity is changing, and it's changing radically every day. In the meantime, it keeps working the way it always has and always will. To fit it correctly into a grand unified theory, we have to CHANGE OUR THINKING about how gravity works. We've had to nearly start over with gravity! We are choosing, even voting, to change our thinking! We aren't changing the law of gravity, we're changing how we think about the law of gravity.
The same thing is happening with LGBT+ issues. Gays, lesbians, etc., etc., have been around forever and always will be. But we're social outcasts. We don't fit into the grand unified theory the heterosexuals have set forth. Hence, thinking has to change. It is changing. Thinking about sexuality, sexual orientation, gender, gender identification, psychology, physiology, spirituality...everything! It's all changing.
The paradigm is shifting.
And again, here we have the Church telling its members how to vote. I do not need to expound on this here since I have before. Click HERE for more information and my personal opinion on the matter.
3.
"Some suppose that they were pre-set and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural. Not so! Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? Remember, he is our father."
I've said it a million times. I was born gay. I also believe I was gay in the pre-existence and will be gay in the afterlife. Elder Packer uses the question "Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?" in exact opposition to its true intention.
Why would our Heavenly Father create someone with inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural? He wouldn't. I truly believe that. To me, this then implies "homosexuality" isn't impure and unnatural. I was born with that trait, therefore it is pure and natural. It's that simple. You have no authority to tell me otherwise.
Here, Elder Packer is also implying sexual orientation is changeable. With all due respect, Elder Packer, if you willfully change your sexual orientation, then maybe I'll take a second look at the decades of science proving you utterly wrong.
4.
"Agency is precious." Why does this church place so much verbal value on agency, yet never advise its members to use their agency. Agency is more than choosing the "right choice" or the "wrong choice." It's the act of getting down on your knees and conversing with your God. Talk to Him and discover what the best option is for you at that time. It's so disappointing that these words will now go into the minds of most Mormons as doctrine, as direct inspiration and word from God. These apostles and prophets are human too, you know. They have their opinions just as we do. It is each individual member's responsibility to pray about the words they hear at conference for confirmation or cancellation of their divine nature. It is my opinion that the words in this talk are those of an angry, out-of-touch old man, bitter about his Proposition 8 being overturned by the court system. These words are not divine.
If someone reading this does choose to get down on their knees and truly ask for guidance regarding these complex LGBT+ issues, try to clear your mind and go into it seeking the best answer - not the answer you expect or are looking for. Two years ago just before election time '08 when I "outed" myself via Facebook, I had a former friend of mine converse with me about my sexuality through Facebook messages. Needless to say, this person was convinced I was in the wrong and I gently encouraged them to pray about the subject. Three days later I received a message from them telling me they received their answer and I was indeed living in sin. Three days. Three. Days. It took me 10 years to get my answer. What an ignorant and disrespectful slap in the face. I believe my point has been made.
That's a list of words describing ME used by an apostle of what I usually call "my Church." I'm again questioning why I call it that.
Why do I keep standing up for you, Church? When a non-member says something like, "Why do they listen to these old men anyway?", why do I try to explain why? It's a culture. How on earth do you explain an entire culture to somebody from a different culture? I am weary, Church. I can't...I WON'T...stand up for you any more. If the teachings coming out of you are true and good, they don't need an explanation - they don't need to be defended! I'm not doing it any more! I don't even know why I've been doing it or who I've been doing it for over the past few years. I'm beginning to realize I haven't been doing it for me... So I quit.Claiming membership with you means I have to live with a perpetual knife sticking out of my back. Talks like this give it a nice twist. How do I pull out the knife without bleeding to death?
I have thick skin and individuals can say whatever they want to or at me. But that's not the point. It's the fact that an entire culture is this way...a culture of which I used to be a part. It's heartbreaking.
Ideas and quotes from others that I would like to address:
1. It's freedom of speech. Obviously this is true. The greatest blessing and consequence of having the right to free speech is that others have the right to freely scrutinize and challenge your speech with theirs. The thing is, in the LDS Church, this speech is now considered doctrine from God. Try arguing the word of God with a devout Mormon. It's a hopeless cause. You swirl around in mindless double-speak and babble until you quit. There are far too many Mormons who do not apply their agency and access to personal revelation to the words of the apostles and prophets. They take it for doctrine and that's that. End of story. It's impossible to converse with someone who's key debate point is "the word of God." Everybody is entitled to their opinion, but nobody is entitled to be a bigot.
2. He is a good man with good intentions. That very well may be, but good intention does not imply good message.
3. "Love the sinner, not the sin." This classic cliche is bullshit. Anyone who has been a "victim" of someone acting like this knows it. You can see it in their eyes...they think your are as worthless as the "sin." People who treat others this way just ooze a holier-than-thou attitude, but they don't know it. If you're going to tell me you love me despite the fact that I'm a sinner, I don't want your love. "But we're all sinners!" What a happy-go-lucky way to think of life.
4. I tolerate gays. Mormons tolerate gays. If I remember correctly, Christ didn't teach "Tolerate thy neighbor" or "Tolerate one another." Tolerate is NOT a synonym for love. When Mormons say they tolerate us, they mean reluctantly accept the immoral decisions we have made that are sending us to hell. What a painful message to convey to all of the gay, lesbian, bi, trans...different children, teens, and adults in your sacrament meeting, primary class, Sunday school class, young men's class, and young women's class. With so much silent hatred bombarding us from our Churches, our families, our "friends," our schools, our communities...it's no wonder a number of individuals begin to believe they are worthy of the hatred and end their own life.
5. "Homosexuality." This word has nearly no meaning any more - especially when an uninformed or ignorant person uses it. Diversify your vocabulary. You can start by asking "homosexuals" how they choose to label their sexuality. Trust me, that question is not offensive if asked sincerely.
7. What was said at conference was nothing new. How true this is! In fact, it was a throwback to 1972! The timing of this repeated message makes the message more vile than it already is. Just as the LGBT+ community thought it was making some ground due to the Church's recently silent stance on "homosexuality"...just as Prop 8 is beginning the overturning process... Then just as Congress blocks a clause allowing the military to repeal DADT...just as we hear of the 6+ suicides in the month of September alone. The timing and tone of Packer's message is repulsive.
8. A protest won't help anything. The opinions about protests and rallies that I have read are fascinating to me. Reading them sent me all over the map with my own opinion. In the end, I decided a rally is what I make of it. I'm not protesting the Church's right to free speech. I'm protesting the timing of it and the hatred and misinformation conveyed in it. I don't want more LGBT+ individuals to take their lives over these issues. I want to be part of a community outreach. Let's use this as another way to bring awareness and stimulate conversation. I am not following a flock and I don't appreciate being told whether I should join a rally or not. I'm not a mindless drone. I can make decisions for myself. I thought very deeply about the role I wanted to play in this rally.
With 4,500+ showing up, I believe it helped something.
Final thoughts:
The divisiveness I have seen among the LGBT+ community over this has been utterly eye-opening. And not in the happy way. I am learning there are separate and distinct factions of gay activists in this valley. I guess that's how it always goes with a minority. One group wants things done this way, another group wants it done another way. Be careful... Can't we just use this as a time to unite?
I am exhausted. I am tired. I am weary. I am brokenhearted. I am disappointed. I am aching, trembling, crying. I am overwhelmed. I am sad, mad, and angry. How many suicides is it going to take?
When I was a Peter Priesthood years ago, I used to be offended when non-members would say Mormons were not Christian. "But we believe in Christ!" "Of course you do, but you aren't Christlike." It makes sense to me now. Being Christian is more than believing in Christ - it's also being Christlike. Unfortunately, far too many Mormons are NOT exhibiting Christlike behavior.
To my friends and family:
Without your love and support, I shudder to think where my life would be today - if I would even still be here. Your love, support, and empathy take the edge off of the overwhelming emotions continually stirred by this culture. My heart breaks for those friends of mine without the same support I have, especially from my family. I wish I could somehow offer a solace to those without this system of support.
So to those of you reading this, I ask this. Please be that loving, understanding, empathetic support that so many of us LGBTs need so desperately. Take the time to understand the complexities surrounding all of the issues LGBT individuals face every day. Go into it without preconception. You'll be enlightened.
Thank you for reading. I am now going on a much-needed weekend getaway. The week's ignorance has exhausted me.
is simply unbelievable and moves me in a way no movie ever has.