I'm sick of you!
All you do is nag and complain!
You're so damn needy!
You demand excessive amounts of my attention.
And the worst part? I give it to you.
Why do I keep doing this?
I accept the fact you were part of my life...but we broke up!
Can't we just move on and be cordial?
I keep lying for you...
I keep withholding for you...
I keep hiding for you...
I keep failing for you...
I keep (attempting) to impress for you...
I keep defending you...
I keep missing out...all so you won't hurt me!
Why does my crying excite you?
Some cowardly part of me is still terrified of you and you know it.
And some sick part of me gets off on the fear, misery, and torture you inflict.
Over and over and over again!
I can't help but re-over-analyze you in my head, to my friends, to my family, in my writing, in my talking, in my crying, and in my screaming.
I hate how I let you control me!
No matter how much I think I've put you behind me and officially passed you by... No matter how many times I convince myself I've moved on... No matter what I do, you always creep back into my life and wreak havoc.
Does this mean I'm not where I thought? What am I missing? Where am I in this continuum? What do I need to do to keep you where you belong so you'll stop ruining my Now?
Have I not fully confronted you?
Have I not faced you head on like I thought I have...over and over and over again...?
Which one of us has the unresolved business?
...and what on earth will resolve it?!
I don't want to talk about you any more. I don't want to think about you any more. I deserve to think of happier things. I would much rather waste my time on anything else but you.
I went through your colic-like torment to get where I am Now. And you won't let me forget it. Do you need a thank-you letter or a reward? Do you want some sort of compensation? Do you feel entitled to torturously remind me how you made me who I am? Who is the victim here, anyway? Just because you're miserable doesn't mean I have to be miserable with you!
I'm sick of your pity party.
Get over yourself.
Just die.
I deserve better than you.
Let me get on with my life; I can't keep waiting to live.
Now where was I...?
Eesh. I've never had it this badly, but I know what it's like for someone to wriggle their way into my conscious and wreak havoc without even saying a word (or with saying plenty of them). =/
ReplyDeleteI listened to Josh Woodward's "Waiting Takes Time" on repeat when I was dealing with it, and though that song is kind of upbeat, it pulled me out of my funk and I eventually was able to get over it. I hope you find a way to purge this person from your life!