I have desires burning deep inside my soul.
They burn so hot and so real...
My flesh tingles and flushes,
My eyes swell and drip,
My vocal cords seize and scream.
They burn so hot and so real...
My flesh tingles and flushes,
My eyes swell and drip,
My vocal cords seize and scream.
Physics, psychology, math, poly sci, astronomy, photography...
Have I chosen the right thing?
I want to make a difference.
I want to speak out.
I want to speak up.
I want to speak out.
I want to speak up.
But I'm terrified to do more than I already am.
What to do...what to do?
What to do...what to do?
Do I want to be an "activist?"
What is an activist?
Am I already one?
Can a physics major be a gay activist?
A gay Mormon activist?
A gay Mormon physics major activist?
Is that allowed?
Is it dangerous?
Is it treacherous to pursue?
Which side is more threatening anyway?
Of whom should I be more wary?
Both?
Neither?
Have I already ruffled everyone's feathers?
Both?
Neither?
Have I already ruffled everyone's feathers?
Fence-sitting sounds so simple...
But it's not that easy.
I still have fears.
I still hesitate before saying I'm gay.
I even hesitate before saying I'm Mormon.
I have friends who don't understand,
But who let me do my own thing;
No questions asked.
Why don't they ask questions?
With which part do they not agree?
It's exhausting to continually tailor my words
According to my company...
Do you know me?
Do you really know me?
Who do you think I am?
Honestly.
I'm sorry, but,
"You don’t know me,
You don’t know me at all.
You don’t know me,
You don’t know me AT ALL."
Do you know me?
Do you really know me?
Who do you think I am?
Honestly.
I'm sorry, but,
"You don’t know me,
You don’t know me at all.
You don’t know me,
You don’t know me AT ALL."
I feel stuck.
Out of place.
Always wanting more gay friends...
More straight friends...
More Mormon friends...
More gay Mormon friends...
Who feel and think the way I do,
Truly,
Not because it's the "right answer"
Or they can't make up their mind...
Who doesn't "really just want to watch each other sleep...
...Sleep sleep sleep."
Who doesn't "really just want to watch each other sleep...
...Sleep sleep sleep."
More friends to occupy and distract my thoughts
From wandering and wondering what I wonder...
What to do...what to do?
I want to be in love.
I want to be head-over-heels.
I want to be wooed.
I want to want to woo.
I want a hand to hold.
I want to care and not care.
When will I meet him?
Have I already met him?
Will I find him at school?
Work?
Through a friend?
Would acting on my activism help me find my partner in crime?
When will I meet him?
Have I already met him?
Will I find him at school?
Work?
Through a friend?
Would acting on my activism help me find my partner in crime?
I want to have the courage...
I want to have the strength...
I want to have the drive...
I want to have the reason...
I want to have the security...
I want to have the voice...
I want to have the sense...
I want to have the stamina...
I want to have the energy...
I want to have the support...
I want to have the enthusiasm...
I want to have the confidence...
to
end the hate.
end the ignorance.
end the abuse.
end the disgust.
end the self-loathing.
end the lies.
end the suicides.
end the helplessness.
end the hopelessness.
end the excuses.
end the doubt.
end the fear.
end the excuses.
end the doubt.
end the fear.
What to do...what to do?
Fearlessly be myself.
Jason
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